Wednesday, 20 October 2010

Need to focus.

I have three different entries I'm half way through drafting, one talking about Paris which I will eventually get to.

I've started back at uni and because my masters is all evening classes everything is a bit of a mess. My organisation, my beloved routine. I'm four weeks in and everything is still a mess, but I think I need to check in here. Even just a quick post because I keep getting so close and then possibly self sabotaging my way backwards.

Last week I was only 2.5lbs from goal, 2.5! This week I couldn't get to a meeting, my meetings have had to switch to morning on a Tuesday now (entire post about the suckiness of that is yet to come), and I had a doctors appointment yesterday (everything is pretty much okay) but long story short I missed all of my regular meeting and the weigh-in part of the later one, so there was no point in going to the chat part only, I needed to go to town, buy winter boots before my feet fell off with the cold and then go to uni. Which is what I did. But I did of course do my own weigh in and I went up 1.5lbs, now to be fair, it was a very stressful and testing week, but I know I shouldn't have indulged the way I did. Hell it wasn't indulging, it was binging. And now I'm another step and a half backwards and 4lbs from goal.

I'm not too upset about the actual number because I look and feel brilliant. I'm within my goal weight parameters and you know I pretty much stopped the obsession with the numbers a month or so ago. I know I'll hit goal, it' a matter of when. The big bother at the minute is the money aspect. I'm seriously broke. I only work 23 to 25 hours a week, am trying to get my MA in the evenings and of course have my beautiful home which I really don't want to have to get rid off and having to hand over £6 every week is frustrating when I know I just need to hit the goal number once and stay 5lbs either side of it to be not charged every week.

So I'm back to obsessing about the number. As it stands I have 4lbs I want rid of asap and I really need to regain that control I once had to make it happen. I'm, hoping this short entry will shake me into doing it and reporting back next week.

I will try to get a decent post up to in the next few days. Blogging always helps my focus. Want to also find the time to restart my c25k program again, pretty sure my shin splints are healed.


Sarah xx

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