Friday, 24 June 2011

feeling a bit self-destructive.

Hello there. This last wee while I've been on self-destruct. That sounds very overly dramatic but I think it's the only way to put it.

I know I keep talking about it but I have been so stressed out, every time I clear a deadline in uni I'm given another one and I'm struggling even getting my research done at all - which should actually be done by now. I am going for convenience and comfort food, when I do have time to relax I'm on the sofa with a bottle of wine. I've had next to no time to do exercise. Between work, university, my research and trying to maintain some sort of social interaction with people I'm just constantly tired, fed up and a bit lost. I'm not too sure how to put it but I've just been feeling incredibly negative recently. This in turn has filtered into my last few posts and I don't like doing that.

But then it occurs to me, I do write this blog for me, it is a place to just document this journey, and I shouldn't be documenting the easy. If anything I should be documenting the crap times like this even more because my emotional state does affect everything.

This week so far I've made better food decisions, I'm not going to say good, but at least out of work I'm eating well. Recently food has been either something to treat myself or punish myself with. I still need to work on it.

I can't believe how guilty I feel for spending a few minutes typing this instead of working on research. Anyway, as I said, I've had minimal time for any type of exercise, I don't want to be forcing hard work outs into my time because last time I did that I got too run down, so I'm trying to make time for walking, walking into work, sometimes walking home. Just to ease myself back into it. I've also had some awful back pains this last week so I don't think running, cycling or punkrope would be all that smart. I have also been doing a little bit of yoga again, mostly to manage stress levels.

So yeah... that's been what I'm up to and how I want to 'fix' things.

Also super frustratingly, I haven't been able to go to my weightwatchers meetings on a Tuesday because Tuesday seems to be the day I have loads on. I miss my class, I miss my leader. Until I can get back I know I have the tools to do it myself, I have the esource, I have my weightwatchers folder, I have the lovely people on twitter, a plethora of blogs to read  for inspiration and support, plus my calculator and my weightwatchers pedometer (I have the old one, but weightwatchers forums tell me if you multiply your old points earned by 1.75 and round, you get a rough guide to what you've earnt so I'll do that until I ever get another £20 to buy the propoints one).

But I just need to get on with it, work at it. Keep here updated with not just what I'm doing, but how I'm feeling too.

I can update here through email, I should do that more often. Here's some pictures that sum up the only fun I've had recently. I bought a new wee compact camera


This was taken at Alisha's 18th Birthday


And my sister is still doing acrylic nails and awesome designs:


As a side note, big congrats to my sister getting her degree from QUB! Her graduation is next month and should be super fun. Can't wait until December when it's my turn again! (I can't wait for my masters to be over).


Sarah xx

Thursday, 16 June 2011

The Race For Life 2011

This time last month I was super excited for the race for life. Even though I was the only person I knew doing the afternoon session, I was hoping to get up a bit early and see all those who were registered for the morning one. Some of which I've never met and really hope to (Lesley I'm looking at you!). But alas things never go to plan. Anna and Bernie went on holiday to Poland so didn't do it. Lesley also got a weekend break away so wasn't there. Beth broke her leg and Nicola missed out on the sign up.

So it got to the point where I simply didn't want to do it and I hadn't ran since my last event. The 3 mile Belfast Marathon Run. I have had a horrible, shitty and stressful month. I had no intentions of going and doing it. I also managed to get next to nothing for fundraising for it. The night before (a Saturday) I had a good few drinks watching the football and went to bed, I woke up still wondering should I do it? I didn't want to do the last race and I thoroughly enjoyed it despite the fact the rest of that day sucked quite a bit.

I messed about on the internet and was reading about the race and then I realised at the end of this race you get a medal. A medal. I haven't had a medal since I was swimming competitively in my teens. Instantly my mind was changed and I was organising my outfit and bag.

Because I drank on the Saturday night (Champions League Final baby! Wooo!), I wouldn't drive on the day of the race. So I had to organise getting buses across to Stormont. It's only 2 buses and Belfast is a small city so it's not all that far either. Time began to cut short at this point and I became ridiculously stressed. I always have shredded wheat before I run and we had no milk, Gav went to the shop and returned with bread. I normally avoid bread when it comes to running because run out of fuel half way through. I went into a stressed out mood and I couldn't find a hoodie/fleese or jacket. It was a nice enough day. So I had no choice but to go bare-armed. And I regretted that later. I was freezing, for pretty much the entire time I was out of the house.

Here's some pictures of our journey across town

In the bus


By the lagan


By the lagan


We still managed to get there early and my mood and stress levels returned to normal. Stormont!



We were in a field, and it was still really really cold.






Despite what was said, there was no water to be had before the race. I did have a bottle with me, but I would have preferred to have had another. Suppose on some level it was probably better like this seeing as during the race I really needed to pee. But to kill time I got to taking photos and being silly, seeing as stressed Sazz had went away





Yep I'm wearing two pairs of sunglasses



He's my dreamboat:



It finally go to the point where people were warming up and hearing some info



All the ladies got corralled into categories. This picture is showing that I am considered a 'runner' 'cus I can run this distance somewhere between 30 and 45 minutes! I know I like running, but it was the idea of standing by a sign that called me that that was amusing.


I can see the start line


And then I turned to my left to see Gavin was taking a few pictures of me!


Here's the pics he got




Gav also got a video of us starting, wee bit cringey.

I took a few pictures of the actual route


I tried to get pictures of every marker, but I only seen 3 of them



I did not realise we were running up this hill. It nearly killed me. I needed to pee so so sooooo much.




I liked seeing everyones back signs, it was nice to see the names that people hold dear.

Considering the big run up the hill, I was expecting a nice slope to be able to pick up my pace on. It didn't materialise.


But I did finish in 29 minutes 16seconds! (Longer time than the last run but then the last run was also a little shorter - 3miles vs 5k!)meaning my pace was 9mins 25 secs! Another personal best! Considering I didn't actually run in a month! I really do think it's got some thing to do with the fact I'm not listening to music when I'm doing it.

And here it is!
My Medal!


I got water at this point (about time) and a wee goodie bag of stuff.


We bused it back home and Gavin got me beer for reward!


Me, my beer and medal


I iced the legs to keep injuries at bay, had a bath with beer and got ready to go out for dinner afterwards. Just to the chester.


I had fajhitas. Nom nom nom


And just a final wee picture of alll my race for life stuff!


I'm glad I done it. Proud of my time, will definitely do it again next year if I can.

I can't believe how long it's taken me to get this post up. Sorry all, still very stressed with uni stuff. Don't do an MA in Sociology.

Thursday, 9 June 2011

I'm still here.

I've had a crazy amount of emails and tweets and more emails asking where on earth am I, am I still on track, am I okay?

So this is a super super short post just to let you all know, yes, I'm fine. I'm just completely overwhelmed with uni work and my job at the minute. My dissertation is taking a lot more out of me than I originally anticipated. Currently trying to finish my research and my literature review, so posting here hasn't been a priority. I haven't been feeling too well either over the last 2 weeks either which hasn't helped.

I have put on weight, not too much, but I haven't been tracking, lack of time has made me rely heavily on convenience food. But I've got that under control for the most part this week, reflected in the fact I lost 3.5lbs this week! Still a bit to go, but I'm not worried about it and still very happy with my size and shape (most days).

Once I get this lit review and a few meetings done tomorrow I hope to be able to finish a few posts and get them up here, I do tend to draft on my phone though which has been sent back to HTC for repair so I'm currently smartphoneless. Crazy how much it is a part of me, I do feel very lost without it.

Upcoming posts are

  1. My race for life (full of pictures, a new personal record and featuring a ridiculously dramatic and shitty Sazz)

  2. A post on tracking

  3. general talk about me, where my head is at and why i love my meetings and hate the weeks (like this week) where I couldn't manage to go

  4. been emailed quite a few times for a review on something i use a lot, so figured I'd do it

So that's the plan. Hopefully I can get back on top of my uni work so I can return to run things like this blog.


Thnks for all the wee emails, good to know people are missing me :)

Sarah xx