feeling a bit self-destructive.

Hello there. This last wee while I've been on self-destruct. That sounds very overly dramatic but I think it's the only way to put it.

I know I keep talking about it but I have been so stressed out, every time I clear a deadline in uni I'm given another one and I'm struggling even getting my research done at all - which should actually be done by now. I am going for convenience and comfort food, when I do have time to relax I'm on the sofa with a bottle of wine. I've had next to no time to do exercise. Between work, university, my research and trying to maintain some sort of social interaction with people I'm just constantly tired, fed up and a bit lost. I'm not too sure how to put it but I've just been feeling incredibly negative recently. This in turn has filtered into my last few posts and I don't like doing that.

But then it occurs to me, I do write this blog for me, it is a place to just document this journey, and I shouldn't be documenting the easy. If anything I should be documenting the crap times like this even more because my emotional state does affect everything.

This week so far I've made better food decisions, I'm not going to say good, but at least out of work I'm eating well. Recently food has been either something to treat myself or punish myself with. I still need to work on it.

I can't believe how guilty I feel for spending a few minutes typing this instead of working on research. Anyway, as I said, I've had minimal time for any type of exercise, I don't want to be forcing hard work outs into my time because last time I did that I got too run down, so I'm trying to make time for walking, walking into work, sometimes walking home. Just to ease myself back into it. I've also had some awful back pains this last week so I don't think running, cycling or punkrope would be all that smart. I have also been doing a little bit of yoga again, mostly to manage stress levels.

So yeah... that's been what I'm up to and how I want to 'fix' things.

Also super frustratingly, I haven't been able to go to my weightwatchers meetings on a Tuesday because Tuesday seems to be the day I have loads on. I miss my class, I miss my leader. Until I can get back I know I have the tools to do it myself, I have the esource, I have my weightwatchers folder, I have the lovely people on twitter, a plethora of blogs to read  for inspiration and support, plus my calculator and my weightwatchers pedometer (I have the old one, but weightwatchers forums tell me if you multiply your old points earned by 1.75 and round, you get a rough guide to what you've earnt so I'll do that until I ever get another £20 to buy the propoints one).

But I just need to get on with it, work at it. Keep here updated with not just what I'm doing, but how I'm feeling too.

I can update here through email, I should do that more often. Here's some pictures that sum up the only fun I've had recently. I bought a new wee compact camera


This was taken at Alisha's 18th Birthday


And my sister is still doing acrylic nails and awesome designs:


As a side note, big congrats to my sister getting her degree from QUB! Her graduation is next month and should be super fun. Can't wait until December when it's my turn again! (I can't wait for my masters to be over).


Sarah xx


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