The nerves as I got ready and walked to my meeting was mental, you'd think this was my graduation day all over again! I made a wee video before I went in:
That driveway is short, but it has never felt so long, I wanted to run up it, but then didn't want to look like a total tool. I had to make sure I was there first and was the first one on the scales, I don't think I could have stood and waited watching everyone else get and stand there.
Once I got in and paid, I walked over to the scales, my stomach was in complete knots I was so nervous and horribly bloated. I took off my coat and cardigan and stood on the scales, my leader put my card into the scales and up came my loss. Down 1.5lbs! In my head I instantly though, "Yoh, a loss, how far to go now?" just as habit before my leader said "Congratulations" It was at this point I went into shock and it wasn't til later I came out of it and had a bit of a sob.
I know I've been on the program and I've been losing but I just can't believe I've done it. I can't believe I've lost the amount that I have mostly because, even at my heaviest weight, I don't think I ever realised how big I was.
I have a weird history with weight. As a girl, I focus on it quite a bit. Always thinking I was a big girl when to be fair, that was never true. I developed before most of my friends - seriously pretty sure I was the only first year in my class with boobs, and most of my friends were short and skinny / not hit puberty yet. So I always thought I was fat when, looking back, I actually wasn't.
As a kid I wasn't big (this picture cracks me up haha)
And I'm going to start this photo journey from September 2005, when I was in my final year of school, mostly because all the pictures I have before then are... well have people in it I don't see or speak to anymore. In this picture I'm with my good friend @mariablaqk at our school formal. My head was very, very messed up at this time because, without going into too much detail, I was going through a nasty breakup and I was in the process of cutting ties with most of my childhood friends, things were destructive. I was not overweight, I was also not very happy.
here I am on my very last day of school, I was a lot happier here. And beginning to find my repressed personality. Again, curvier than some other girls, awesome dimensions, thinking I was fat when I wasn't.
It wasn't long after school I realised I wasn't as worthless, fat and ugly as I had thought. I actually began to like myself and my life and not too long after leaving school and coming to this conclusion, I met the wonderful Gavin. This is us at an 80's Disco. Awesome night. From these days onwards I'd say I'm very happy with myself and the way that life panned out (cheesey as all this seems).
I suppose the one bother is that being in such a brilliant relationship you do begin to get comfortable, I slowly began to pile on weight. Pretty noticeable come my tech formal picture (April 2007):
And my 20th Birthday pictures(July2007):
Gavin's MA graduation December 2007
Definitely noticeable as the years went on (August2008):
Italy (for champions league final) May 2009:
Then, as I mentioned before I lost my uncle Gary. Words can't explain just how much I love this man. He was really a big brother to me growing up, and although in later years I didn't see him as much, the way he was taken was so quick and cruel I didn't know what to do. He was the first close family member I had ever lost and I had no clue how to deal with it. So I ate, and drank and cried, for many months. In February of this year me and Gavin went to Barcelona. It was a fantastic holiday but it wasn't until I came home and looked at my photos it hit me. I never see myself as a fat girl, not since I realised at school I wasn't one. And here was photographic evidence that I looked... well huge. Just before going on this holiday I had to buy a new coat and when the only one I liked and fitted me was one from Evans I knew something had to be done when I got home. This photo is me at the NuCamp in Barcelona, where another picture that was taken of me will forever haunt me. (I'll never post it here)
When getting home I invested in a treadmill and started running. I lost a little, but it wasn't enough, and after participating in a #septemberstone hashtag on twitter the September before - and succeeding, I realised I needed an eating plan to go with my exercise. Here is me in February 2010:
I chose weightwatchers as my plan because it was something I hadn't tried before, my mam and sister were on it and losing weight, and it had a maintenance program that when I read it, it sounded healthy. As opposed to some other programs. I started in March of this year and don't have a picture of myself then.
Here I am in April though, an easter break away to the spa in newcastle co.down. I'd lost about a stone and a half at this point (21lbs)
And at my sisters boat party in May 2010, with my brother and sister, I had lost 2stone 3lbs at this point (31lbs)
This was after my last exam in uni ever! Late May 2010 and 2stone 9.5 lost (37.5lbs)
It's June and I'm on a picnic up the cavehill with 3 stone 4 lost! (46lbs)
and this was the day my graduation dress came in the post too:
July came and on my graduation day I was down 49.5lbs! (3stone 7.5)
and at this point I was looking, and feeling like the real me again.
It was also around this time, having hit the 50lbs lost, my weight began to plateau. I had my birthday weekend to the spa after my graduation:
followed by a stressful and heartbreaking August.
In September me and Gavin went away for our 4th anniversary to Paris and I was still at this point in such a mental mess I never posted pictures so here's a few (I was down 3stone 13.5lbs here) outside the Louvre:
In Napoleon's chambers, taking a photo in his dresser:
I adore this painting, and hate my posture here, I look like I have a tummy when I assure you I do not.
It wasn't really until the end of October I managed to get myself out of my head. I was back to uni and knew if I didn't sort myself back out bad and convenient food could be the ruin of everything. So I buckled down.
And lost the last 7 lbs in 5 weeks through pre-tracking, cutting out wine, bringing up my exercise levels and generally, sticking to the weightwatchers plan.
Which brings me back to today. I've had a couple of other members after congratulating me say "well it will take you a while to get used to being skinny now" I've had to bite my lip so not to go on my rant about the word 'skinny'. I have such issues with that word. And it really wasn't just about getting to the number, sure my weight is my weight, but there are so many non scale victories I have.
- My skin is incredible there are days I can go with no make up at all other than a flick of eyeliner
- I sleep better
- My energy levels are way, way higher than they used to be
- I feel better about myself, not so much confident, but better.
As I said, I never seen myself as a big girl, so mentally I've always been at this weight, so it was weird having people tell me it will be weird getting used to it.The only thing I've been finding odd is the amount of shops I can shop in these days, normally I could buy something in every shop. But now, I can buy everything in every shop if I want. So many new things!
Honestly, there has only been one bad thing about the weight loss and that is the fact I need a new wardrobe and don't have the money to replenish it (if anyone has any size12 dresses or tops they don't want send them my way, or size 10/12 jeans and skirts *wink*).
I'm still just so surprised that I've did it! I've completed this part of the journey and am very excited for the maintaining part. Having read through the first of my maintenance books the idea of having 6 more points a day seems mental! Especially when I feel satisfied with the amount that I eat at the moment! We'll just have to see how things go!
One thing I want to stress before I sign off today is that I will, of course, continue to blog, the weightwatchers journey isn't over, weightwatchers is a way of living, not a diet. And it works. I am total proof. You just need to actually want it, and (in my case) have a seriously supportive boyfriend, family and friends (especially twitter friends! Love you guys!).
So tonight there will be celebrations, probably not the smartest thing to do, but rewarding myself with a meal out seeing as I now have the extra 6 points a day! Chiquitos with Gavin, photos will be taken and I'll have a wee blog soon about those and my outfit for this wedding I'm going away for :)