I've been particularly lax with... well everything the last few weeks and my weight has steadily climbed up again. So I'm above my target weight again. I can't begin to articulate how much the inability to find a balance is frustrating me. And I know it is something I'll just have to deal with as I'm always going to have an odd relationship with my weight.
But I really have had a particularly mixed week. During the day time my food has been good choices, normal portions, but then at night I just seem to have been letting myself go, not looking at my portion size and eating loads of chocolate and drinking loads of wine. I don't think I can even blame it on Easter - because we don't do anything for easter other than eat eggs.
I should have had a big gain this week, but I think the run on Monday (I know, 2 posts in 2 days, madness, especially considering the sheer amount of uni work I have to do) was my saving grace.
So I know I need to catch a grip and sort myself out before anymore weight comes on. I also know that I need something to work towards. So I've decided to make that my first ever sunshine holiday (i normally do city breaks) which is in Costa del something or other in Spain, in July. I also have my birthday then too. I would like to be back down at my lowest weight, but more importantly, I want to be able to fit into this dress which I bought recently from Dunnes for my birthday / holidays.
It won't zip all the way up at the minute - gutting.
Other than using this blog to hold myself accountable, I'm participating in a smaller for summer challenge that my good friend Lesley is organising, which basically what it says, a collection of people wanting to get smaller for the summer & a wee support group in there too.
From this mornings weight I have 9lbs to lose and about 12 weeks to do it. Very achievable. I am both paper tracking and using the esource. This week I know will be difficult because it is Gavin's birthday, and we're going away on Sunday to Tuesday - which mean I'm going to miss my weightwatchers meeting. And then we have my sister's 21st birthday too. So it will be a tough week, but there is no point in saying I'll wait until I get back from all that because even more damage will be done by then. I plan on enjoying my break away. But hope to try and make some good decisions. I'm also debating blogging when away with my meals. But we'll see when we get there.
Hoping to swap the likes of this (oh hell was this good-but the ok decision cus it was thin base, low fat cheese and bunged with zero hero veg!)
with this (which was so awesome in a different way to the Dominos)
Another thing I've been thinking about is again also related to the run I did on Monday. I was so shocked by my speed, and I keep wondering what it was that made me get that personal best, and I have been thinking that the terrain was flat, as opposed to the treadmill or hills I would run at home. I also got thinking that maybe without music I'm more aware of myself? And somehow must have helped?
But most of all it was my mental attitude. I really wasn't expecting anything great because of all these blocks, my hayfever, my cold, my injuries, the weather. All those blocks weren't as physical as I thought, they were more mental, and holding me back. Shocked me coming to that realisation even though I've read many other bloggers come to similar epiphanies. I'm going to try be as positive about myself in the coming months because I am way too harsh on myself which makes me want to do daft things.
Anyway, I digress, I need to get back to uni work, make lunch and go to work.
Til next time
PS. those of you who can, go vote today! Even if it's just to get AV!