Thursday, 23 September 2010

Plan of action

I know it's been ages since I posted, and to be honest I haven't had the passion for the program I normally do and have been a bit lax. Also because I put weight on (as spoken about in the last post) I've been trying to correct the damage done that week, and I suppose the biggest reason I haven't blogged, is because I didn't actually feel like it.

So what is my reason for blogging?

I'm going to Paris this weekend (four year anniversary with my brilliant boyfriend), not to rub it in. But I'm back to only being 4.5lbs from goal and I am petrified of doing damage. But then even more petrified of not enjoying my food. It's a load of confusing and conflicting thoughts. And I keep wondering what to do. And now I've decided.

I'm going to eat what ever the hell I want for my two or three meals a day, drink what I want, try not to snack or eat anything too bad. But I'm not travelling all the way to Paris to deny myself anything. No matter what I have people say to me.

I've gotten very frustrated over the last few days, actually more the last few weeks. I've had so many people say so many things to me this last few days that are really bugging me. A lot of it are strangers in work, regular customers that I don't actually interact with me but who (through being socially retarded) feel it necessary to tell me their thoughts on my weightloss, my shape. And to be honest, very few of the comments are actually nice. Here's just a few of the things I've been told in say the last month:

  • If you lose any more weight you'll disappear

  • You're too skinny

  • You've lost so much weight, you were prettier when you were fatter.

  • You need to stop losing weight now, it doesn't look right on you.

  • You've lost so much weight

I really, really hate it when people make a comment on the loss, but fail to accompany it with a compliment. Why state fact like that? Yes I'm fully aware that I've lost a lot of weight, good for you for having eyes.

I think the novelty of having people comment on it has truly worn away. At least with randomers. I like it when it's friends or family, or people who I think genuinely care. Just no more random strangers (unless you're a blog reader / twitter user - but then to be fair you're not really a random stranger that way are you?).

I have such issues with the word "skinny" it just keeps cropping up everywhere, and I find it weird, mostly because it's never used in reference to me, but mostly because I know it's not true. I'm not skinny, sure I'm a lot slimmer than what I was six months ago, but I'm still just bordering on the 'healthy' level of BMI and I know full well when I'm going to stop losing the weight and flip to maintaining it! And that's when I'm actually healthy, not bordering the whole healthy - overweight line. There are only four people I'm going to listen to when it comes to my shape and that's my mam, my boyfriend, my sister and my weightwatchers leader because I know with them they care about more than how it sits on me, this whole journey isn't just to get into smaller clothes. It's about getting back to my healthy self, the rest are just added benefits.

Anyway, that rant over, onto the next one.

When I've been talking to people about going away this weekend I've had so many people playing with the fears I already have. I know that the worst thing that can happen this weekend is that I put on weight, and if I do that, it's easy lost. Okay I did some damage there a few weeks ago, but I lost it in two weeks. I am getting to goal, there's no question about that, it's just a matter of when. Granted, I want it sooner rather than later, but I sorta like how hard I'm having to work to get these last few pounds off, will make it harder for me to go back up if I feel it now.

Anyway, I digress again!

I hate people being so negative about going away on holiday, I can go away and enjoy myself without putting on loads and I think it's their negative behaviour that gives me the negative thoughts.

Right, so that's that off my chest. My next post will be a holiday post, probably full of photos of food. So you have that to look forward to.

No photos this week, still not in the mood.

1 comment:

  1. You've got the right attitude. I think when you start freaking out over enjoying food on holiday or not that's when more serious food issues can arise. Foods not an enemy, it's a fabulous thing to be enjoyed and ever now and again a little over indulgence is fine. It's not a race to goal, although I know you're so close. You'll get there :)And as for those people who say such worthless and uninspiring things about your weight, it's jealousy through and through. Sadly lots of people don't like to see others bettering themselves. They act like they've only got your best interests at heart but deep down it's their own insecurities making them thwart your fantastic effort. Ignore them, you lose or don't lose as much weight as you want xxx