It's not just about the scale.
It's just occured to me that I haven't done my weekly update here from last week.
I went to my weigh-in last week quite hopeful, looking forward to receiving both my new membership card and my 50lb loss certificate, and I got in the door to see my usual leader Jackie was not there, and a quiet lady called Elizabeth was. As most of you know by now, I adore my leader Jackie and I hold her on a very high standard because she never fails to spur me on and feel positive about the upcoming week. This lady, Elizabeth was very quiet, and to be fair... I hate to be hard on any leader that isn't Jackie, but was a little condesending and I think was a bit lost in the meeting despite the fact she's been a leader for 20 years.
Anyway, I stepped on the scales to be told this weeks loss was half a pound. Now this shocked me because although I did go over my points one day (by 6) every other day I saved my four, plus I've been working really hard with my c25k program (as I type this I've managed to get to complete all of week 3 and get an extra practice run in), I feel stronger and fitter than ever, and I know I'm accumulating activity points too with it. So for all that to be worth only half a pound, my lowest ever loss in a week it has been dissappointing.
I did mention that it's getting harder, to be told, "it will get easier" that was it. I wasn't expecting just that to be said, I wanted something more, something substantial, but it didn't come. I know that hell, it's still a loss and that's what matters, but still, some encouragement from my leader would have been great, I can't on my own be entirely positive, encouragement is needed.
So I'm going to stay positive, giving up is most definately not an option, despite the fact that I am very comfortable and completely love my shape right now, (managed to fit myself back into a size 12 dress from dorothy perkins I wore once and it was tight then - though I'm aware sizes are crazy, I can fit into size 10 and 12 jeans at the minute, yet my tops are 14 and dress sizes tend to be 14 too, yay for having boobies!)
I had myself an ephiphany, it's no longer about the scales, well it is to a degree, I mean I want to get my number to the number weightwatchers want me to be at. But it's not just about the scale, it's about the change in me, I'm at a healthy weight for my height now, I'm no longer in the overweight bracket, I feel a million times better, I feel more like myself again and I'm back to my active self! I used to love sports, seriously, you look at my activity list when I was in school, I swam three and four times a week, I am a trained lifesaver, I played netball two and three times a week, I have many, many medals and trophies from the days I played netball (from the age of about 6 to about 16, then I quit due to the fact none of my friends played and I didn't want to miss out on that, plus I had a run in with my coach) and I used to love running, now to be fair, running is the only one of those activites I have properly taken back up, though I am looking into various netball teams.
I've got asked a lot this week how do I keep myself so positive with this? And this is probably one of the easier things to answer.
Some of you know that last year, at Halloween I lost my uncle Gary, I adored this man. When I was younger he was like an older brother to me, I think he was 16/17 when I was born and he doted on me. Due to certain things I didn't see him as much over the last few years, but I still emailed and texted him a lot. He was 41 and died of a heart attack the Thursday before Halloween. He was overweight and had tried losing weight many times, but put anything he lost back on, he was once an active teenager, playing gaelic football brilliantly but then started to smoke and drink, he got a desk job and a car and his activity levels fell even more. He is one of the most amazing people in the world, always an infectious grin and a silly story to tell.
He reminds me that I have one life. I don't know when it will be taken away from me, but I am going to enjoy it. I am not going to endanger my health with my weight, I am going to enjoy everything (in moderation) I am not going to waste my life being unhappy about my weight. It took me a while to get to this mental point, after he passed away I put on a stone in about three months, I ate and drank everything in front of me instead of dealing with my grief in an appropriate way, which I find is to write. Some times, I miss him a lot and do feel an urge to comfort eat (hello Saturday nights, you are a horrible night for me 'cus a Saturday was the traditional day that I seen you every week, even for just a second) but, most times, I know that I am going to eat for comfort, not for energy, not for enjoyment, and to be fair, this is a waste of points. Saturday just past there I was very upset and I did eat half a bar of cadburys chocolate before catching what I was doing. I wanted to do something that would make me feel good, and proud of myself, plus give me time to think, so I went for an extra run on my c25k program, after a nine hour shift in work. And once I done it I couldn't have felt better. My uncle Gary is a big part of why I'm on this weightwatchers journey and I know he's be the happiest/proudest person behind me now.
I also remind myself that there is a lot of people in the world who would kill to be where I am now, I am able bodied, I don't have any major health problems that prevent me from being active, there's a lady who used to go to my meeting who can not do any exercise at all due to health reasons and used to say that she'd give anything to be able to even walk for more than ten minutes without her oxygen. I am lucky enough to have a working body, so I'm going to use it.
The final thing I think of is my body. I have the control over it, what it does, how it does it. I know that when I feed it right I feel better, when I do exercise I feel better, both physically and mentally, and crucially, what is getting me thorough the last week or so, I know I'm doing it well, I'm sticking to my plan, and granted I'm losing it a lot slower, but I have a lot less to lose now. My metabolism is a lot slower now because it doesn't have to deal with the weight that was on me. And although I've done a lot of good eating and activity recently it might just take a wee while for the numbers on the scale to catch up with me. Saying that, this week I'm going to work at this so much more. Going to readdress my portion sizes, I fear they may have started to creep up, and I'm going to keep at my c25k program. I seriously love the app I'm using so so much.
It's not just about the scale. Is my attitude this week. It's really not, I have lost over 50lbs since March, and I've done it, primarily through drastically changing my portion sizes, that's it, I don't think I ate all that bad a food before I started weightwatchers, but portion size is the biggest change with me.
I've also cut down on alcohol a crazy amount, I drank a lot, too much really, I was doing to it to deal with emotions I was scared to deal with and now that I am 'dealing' with them I feel better, sure I get very sad when doing it, but I no longer reach for wine or chocolate (or starburst, I seriously love those sweets) the way I used to, I write it down, pen and paper, old school, have a wee cry and perhaps go for a walk or run or just get a cuddle from my incredible boyfriend to feel better.
I have upped my activity, before all I done was walk to work or uni, now I walk more, I run, I play my kinetic game on my playstation, I do yoga and pilates, I do punkrope (which I will get round to talking about in its own entry soon) and on occasion go swimming.
My achievements so far on weightwatchers include
- losing 25% of my body weight (I stress so far)
- That's 52.5lbs I'll have you know.
- Clothes fit better, I have rediscovered my old wardrobe, and find that some of those clothes are to big for me too.
- As it stands, I'm the lightest I've ever been in my adult life. I was 16 the last time I weighed what I do now.
- I've lost almost eight inches around my waist, I was lucky enough that when I did put on my weight, I did so proportionately (yay good genes), so I've also lost nearly 6 inches around my waist and my chest.
- I don't measure my thighs or arms, and to be fair never carried too much weight on those places anyway (yay good genes), but they are noticibly more toned now, especially my legs.
- I have a better attitude towards my life now, life is short, it is, you don't know when it will end, and why spend your life unhappy? This was something I learnt when I was in school, I applied it then regarding people in my life, and I have since then only surrounded myself with people I like / love. Why didn't I ever apply it to other areas of my life?
- I've went from looking like this:
to looking like this:
I think that's pretty awesome, in the space of five months?
This week I've been religious with weighing myself and it's really infuriating not seeing any change despite the work you've done. So, starting now, I'm not going to weigh myself at all during the week. At all, I'm taking the scales out of the bathroom and putting them back in their box and away, I will get my official weight in the next few meetings and I will not be doing any at home weigh-ins until I hit the 4 stone mark, I'm still 3.5 lbs from that, so it may be a few weeks. Standing on those scales every morning isn't helping me get to goal, it's what points I consume and activity I clock up and that's not going to change. I can't control the scales, only what I do, so until next week,
If you've managed to sift through all of this and got to here I applaud you, I hope what I'm blithering about makes some sense to you and regardless if you're on a weight loss journey or not, that it inspires you to do or be positive.